never learned enough

i feel like we're all being just a bit overdramatic,
but it still makes me tear up when i think about today.

i wish we could just keep saying goodbye forever so neither of us really has to leave.
i love you too & i will miss you more than you think.
but thank you for being so sad to see me go,
& thank you for crying when i couldn't.

so to you and everyone else: i'm sorry. for whatever.
i'll see you in a few months and/or have a nice life; delete as appropriate.
go home.
goodbye.

away

so i check my horoscope at least 3 times a day.
from different sources: i get one texted to my phone at about 8 in the morning, i check cosmo every day (the magazine every new issue and the website every day) and astrology.com, which has several different variations.

people think this is stupid sometimes, or weird or cute or whatever.
but i actually take it kind of seriously.
it gives some direction to my day/week and occasionally it's just too appropriate to be a coincidence.
today for example:

"It's healthy to take a step back once in a while, and you're doing a good job of keeping perspective. You're not going to be in this living situation forever. Remember, someone with your personality will always have plenty of options."
and:
"Love is always complicated on some level, especially when loyalty is an issue. If you're just getting to know each other, you should get some clarity on expectations and standards."

fucking eerie.

2 finals down, 2 to go.
checkout friday.

victim of bad timing

fucking whatever.
it's fine, just do what you want to do.

just try to remember you'll probably never see me again.

happy holidays

almost over

ever rediscover a song that fit your life situation perfectly a couple years ago,

and all of a sudden it fits again, even more perfectly?

"i know that you would like, like to change me,

make me softer to your voice like a baby"

the closest we'll ever get

when you wake up at 7 am fully clothed, dizzy, dehydrated, nauseated and confused,

you have 12 missed calls and you can't decipher any of the texts you sent after 10 pm,

you can't find your keys, the room smells like vodka,

there's a pile of clothes on the floor you don't recognize,

the screen has mysteriously disappeared from your window,

you can't remember whether or not you talked to a public safety officer at some point,

your clothes are stained, your legs are bruised and there's mascara all over your face and pillow,

and yet you can't stop smiling to yourself all morning,

and no matter how much you think about it, you just can't bring yourself to regret anything about last night,

that is what i'm going to miss,

and that is what's going to keep me from thinking about how much i'm going to miss it.

it happens

see the thing is,

when you feel shitty i feel shitty.

so fucking man up and listen and remember what's good:

chain smoking on the curb and overcrowded apartments and cheap beer and 3-speaker systems in the bathroom and that acrid smoke that fills the whole room till you can barely breathe.

and us.

you and me, we're practically begging to get caught.

it doesn't have to make sense, it's just what i'd like to remember this by.

tonight

one teen-movie-worthy weekend includes the following:

2 cute & funny (and 2 not so cute) underage boys

smoking a blunt at the playground with said boys

hotboxing the bathroom with 2 cute & funny, appropriately aged boys

cheap, convenient store malt liquor

voodoo donuts

king's cup

$35 of captain morgan

1 south korean exchange student

multiple beer runs

camels for $3.75 a pack

2am texts

ativan & buspar

free groceries & laundry

homemade spaghetti and cheap wine

and more weed.