jealous

sweet jesus i wish this was my life.

the classy people

"let's pretend this coffee is champagne."
"why would we do that?"
"well, to celebrate life,"

insomniac.

is it okay if i just stay in my room for the rest of my life?
because fuck where i'm at right now.

let me show you

i've never associated music so strongly with a specific emotion/event that it actually makes me cry.
but here we are.

this is taking too long.

life is too hard and boring.
can i just be famous for looking wasted all the time?


"GOD you look so fucking trendy right now."

problem child

i had almost forgotten how much i hate my hometown.

as much as the media (and, consequently, my own sense of nostalgia) glorifies suburban teenage life, once you come back to it, it is exponentially worse than you ever remembered.

i'm sure it was probably better in high school, when i didn't know what life was like outside of here.

but now that i'm back,

stuck here for the next 5 months, knowing that i will not be returning to the life to which i had become accustomed, the friends and the place that i loved so much all year,

now i realize how fake and boring and judgmental and miserable this whole fucking town is, and always has been.

my friends are different (or maybe that's me), and nothing ever happens here.

it's the epitome of teenage boredom, embodied in this one shitty county, just 30 minutes from the life which i will always remember as infinitely better than home, even if, in reality, it was a pretty mediocre year.

just whatever. i need to get the fuck out of hillsboro, like now.

and everyone judges me for smoking here.

what is that? is it a suburban thing or did i just not notice it in the city?

maybe it's just these stupid. fucking. highschool. brats.

i swear to dog, i will kill them all. GROW UP.

no more teachers

how to reconcile your life when you realize you had forgotten just how miserable and boring and soul-sucking your tiny suburban hometown really is:

- watch french movies all day long

- clean out your closet

- cut 6 inches off the hem of your graduation dress

- read. everything on your bookshelf.

- spray perfume you haven't worn in years

- flirt with gas station attendants.

- sneak out for a smoke with your 30 year old neighbor

- watch on demand for hours

- get a job (just kidding)

- find some vindication in the fact that half the people you hated in highschool are married/pregnant/working at a grocery store

- read every single page of fuck you very much

- spend too much time creating/refining/obsessing over the perfect summer playlist.

- make stupid lists.

gone too far

on the other hand, i greatly appreciate:

tattoos

skateboarders

people who take their hobbies seriously

wool coats

steve coogan's movies

mediocre photography

modern art

microwave taquitos

caffeine

classic art references

independent media

competent journalism

impeccable grammar

early 80s punk rock

graffiti

paris

copenhagen

amsterdam

london & liverpool

history

art galleries

the kennedys

friends' bands

the peace corps

midnight

biopics

some poetry

bookstores

camel cigarettes

facial hair

black tights

all-nighters

appropriate lyrics

irony

good drugs

music festivals

time differences

late night conversations

the unexpected

dark rooms

nostalgia

familiar tunes

water

stuffed peppers

attractive people

sunglasses

car rides

mix tapes

unnecessary philosophical tangents

shag carpet

farm animals

cover bands

fresh fruit

airports

street fairs

my life. sometimes.

clocks & eyelashes

i wish i could be a vegetarian again
i wish i was motivated
i wish i could get things done on time

"

i wish the world would work out its problems
i wish my generation would get something done
i wish i could be satisfied



i wish i didn't expect wishes to come true
i wish i didn't rely on others so much



i wish i didn't get so excited by 11:11
i wish i didn't get hungry at exactly 2am every night
i wish he would come back sooner
i wish i didn't wish for that so much




i wish i could speak a different language
i wish i could be the things i admire in others
i wish the world didn't reject what it doesn't understand



i wish i didn't get jealous so easily
i wish i wasn't so frustrated with life
i wish i could wake up before noon



i wish i could travel the world
i wish i lived by the sea
i wish i wasn't so intimidated by my own dreams
i wish something amazing would happen every day



i wish i was someone else.

ph: fuck you very much

distraction

frogs outside my window,

fuck this town; i'mma clean house.

via: idon'tfuckingremember.

(here)

and once again we do a complete 180: jump from one life to the next with no transition but an hour's car ride and some tearful goodbyes.

God only knows what the next five months are going to consist of. i guess we'll make the most of it:

sauvie, a couple road trips, some light reading (recreational, for once), sushi, movie marathons and pretty spring dresses.

it just doesn't help that everyone at home is still in school for the next month and a half, and the rest of us immediately stop speaking as soon as we all leave.

all over the world

something is going on...
this song just recently gained significant meaning in my head, like as of about 2 days ago.

i explained this to a friend this morning and subsequently heard it NINE. DIFFERENT. TIMES. on the radio driving back and forth between portland and hillsboro.
through no fault of my own; each time was entirely by coincidence.

on two separate occasions i said to whoever was in the car at that point, "i'm going to hear it again before i go home, i know it," and it fucking started playing less than 5 minutes after this sentence left my mouth. both times.



what the fuck. does this mean.
don't ask me, i'm fucking faded.

PS: WHAT THE FUCK, LALA? not cool.