the good & the bad

i don't know how to put this.

sometimes there is no image, no text, no sound to fully describe the complexity (sure) of just what the fuck are you thinking.

it feels like this but it sounds like that and in my head it looks like this.

it's sad but it's not and it's stupid but i don't know how else to feel.

and it ruins everything else and i'm just sick of thinking

about everything or anything

and it's starting to sound clichéd just like everything.

and really it is not that sad or that bad but it

seems like it sometimes. and sometimes it's just numb and sometimes i don't care.

it's whatever.

kingdom

i love it that my city has become a trend & a hipster cliché.

but people who live in portland really do love portland.

and it really is as good & as bad as it sounds.

adolescence

in a nutshell...

"because i'm sick of waking up on your floor
for the 6th or 7th night in a row
i'm lying next to you in all of my clothes,
someone stop me."

fall

black sweaters with too-long sleeves,
the hot cake house at 1am before the drunk-rush,

whiny music that sounds like cold weather,

brown leather everything
and so much pumpkin ice cream.

hello hello hello

appearance-wise...

+

+

+

my ideal spouse

+

+

+

+

notoriety

Wordstock 2009 started Thursday;
here's what i thought of Saturday:

Worth seeing:
James Ellroy

Worth buying:
- Livability by Jon Raymond
- Clown Girl by Monica Drake
- Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris (the holiday season is coming up)

Not worth listening:
Jeanette Walls

Makes the whole excursion worthwhile:
- Hipster spotting
- Powell's free books section (crazy 1970s self-help books, obscure & ancient Russian textbooks, Japanese exercise and child-raising how-to books)
- Powell's book fair & author signing
- lots and lots of cute hipster/lit geek boys.

define faith

The third planet is sure that they're being watched by an eye in the sky that can't be stopped and when you get to the promised land you're gonna shake the eye's hand.

the universe is shaped exactly like the earth; if you go straight along enough you'll end up where you were.

Господи спаси и сохрани

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Wild Geese by Mary Oliver